Illegitimate
by Leper Gnome
Summary: Basically, life. [drabble collection] [title because this has no purpose] [rated for freedom] [summary kills it]


Okay so this is just a collection of little blurbs featuring some of my favorite Looney Tunes characters, in various genres and time periods. So, read I guess…maybe enjoy, maybe not.

**Illegitimate**

"…Eh…Could I ask you something?"

"I guess…"

"What would you give your life for?"

"Mm…Not sure."

"…Really?"

"…Really."

Pound gives his long-time best friend a quick once-over, and Nawt isn't telling him everything.

---

Lola slumps down into the chair, not bothering to look into the kitchen to see the source of the crash. "Why do you do this to me?" she asks, tone indifferent.

"Becausthe you're the only one who really takesth thingsth stheriousthly."

She glares at the wall, hearing the grin in his words. Bugs wasn't here…so shouldn't Daffy be elsewhere by now?

---

"Tch…you're just…not even cool, okay?" Bang, ever serious, folds his arms over his chest, regarding the purple nerdluck with a reprimanding expression.

"Oh, I'm the coolest. You just can't compre_hend_ it, okay?" The use of a (real) three-syllable word that could be traded in for a shorter one is new to Bupkus, but, hey, he'll take it.

---

"You don't even know what you're talking about!!"

"Oh, like you're _so deep_ that I can't figure things out!"

Blanko has to literally stand in between Nawt and Bang just so the ripping of various limbs won't occur, and it's no easy task considering their new sizes and strengths, and also considering the angry flares in both of their eyes.

"Could you go just a _little_ lower, please? I mean, I guess you're so smart that you can think of a way to do that….Unless, I dunno, you've been talkin' outta your—"

"Whoa, dude, calm down!" Blanko has never seen Nawt so angry. After all, Nawt has been the calm one for as far back as Blanko could remember, but if one low blow from Bang could make him like this…It's quite possible Pound really _is _the only one who knows everything about Nawt, like the two of them have always been insisting….

---

"…You're insane." It's a shuddered whisper, but it gets across very clear to her captor.

"Am I, Doll?" Swackhammer watches with some sort of sadistic enjoyment as her eyes flicker with weak anger. "Then how did I manage to capture you?"

Lola shakes her head, not breaking her gaze from his for a second. "You messed with my boys…I wasn't thinking…"

"'Your boys'? Ha! You mean my lackeys!"

"They hate you…"

"They do…_but_ they'll return to be my loyal workers soon enough."

Lola lifts her head defiantly. "And why is that?"

"Well," Swackhammer begins, an ominous grin slowly spreading across his face. "If they really are 'your boys' as you so nicely put it, they'll come…because they know exactly what I can do to you, directly from experience."

"I'm not scared of you."

"You will be…"

---

Pound and Nawt aren't quite sure how Lola got here or what made her want to come here, but all they know is that she's pouring out all her emotions to them, and there's not much that they can do about it.

"I can't take this anymore, you guys!" she whimpers, pressing a palm to her own forehead.

Nawt has always been better at connecting on an emotional level with people that Pound was, but both of them understand Lola's situation, but neither understand as well as they wish they could, because they've never experienced anything like this.

"Hey, you know, he doesn't even know what he's doing."

"Yeah, and if he's gonna treat you like that, then maybe he's just not worth your time….I don't know you very well, Lola, and neither does Pound," Nawt begins, and Pound continues for him when he pauses.

"But we both have a feeling that you deserve a lot better."

Lola lifts her head to look at the small aliens before her. "You guys really mean all that?"

Said aliens both nod once.

Lola smiles genuinely for the first time in a while. "Thanks, you two…"

---

Bugs slams the door, hard, and for the first time in his life, he's really, truly, _severely_ angry at Daffy.

Daffy stares at said door, and for the first time in his life, he doesn't know what he's going to do.

---

Nawt looks over at Bupkus, his expression half-sardonic, half-pitying. "I don't know what I'm gonna do about you, man…"

His larger, purple friend regards him coolly, running a hand through his own burst of darker purple hair. "Heh, join the club, pal."

"If there was a club, I…really wouldn't be all that surprised."

---

Lola dribbles the basketball backwards, glancing now and then away from the red Monstar guarding her. If you could call it guarding; he really wasn't putting too much effort into it.

"Y'know," she starts, in an attempt to distract him. "It's sort of against the rules."

Nawt blinks once at the vague statement, though the grin doesn't fade from his face. "What is?"

"What you and your team do."

"…Yep….It is, isn't it?"

"Wonder why no one's called you out? Maybe I should." The corners of her mouth twitch into a grin briefly.

"I wouldn't if I were you….I mean, I don't hit girls, but with the other guys…it could get messy. If I feel like it, maybe I could egg 'em on for ya."

"Oh really? Should I take that as a threat, or a promise?"

"…_What_?!!"

Lola giggles, dodging past him and scoring an easy basket, Nawt staring after her incredulously. His face will be stained a light blue for a while…

**Fini**

So…that's it. Um…review with any questions or comments or anything. ;


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